For whenever you read this, I just want to say congratulations to you and your new hubby! I have seen a few pictures from your wedding from my camera and others (and I've swiped a few!), and everything looks so great. Everyone has had wonderful things to say about the ceremony and reception. Things like: been the funnest wedding in a long time. I am SOOOOOOOOO happy for you and your man!!!
I so don't want to be here right now... - at work that is. I am anxious to be on to other things today.
I remember this feeling - from a few years ago.
I am helping my friend with her wedding. There are plans to be finished, projects to be completed, and I'm going a little mental.
I want to be out of this chair, up from this desk, away from this building. Away from work. Away from having one more thing to think about, so that I can be free to focus on the things I want to do for the wedding, and not on the have to dos for work.
I want to get stuff done!! I want to not have to rush to finish up the projects.
I want to be at home, or out in the sun, but above all, relaxed.
God has given me so much strength over the last few weeks - I want Him to give me even more now! *sigh*
Thank you Lord for being so gracious with me, when I have things to do, when I have stuff on my mind, for giving me a husband who is supportive. Thank you for giving me friends to support - and thus honor You by.
Can I focus on my paying job? Will the caffeine stop me from focusing? The LORD will give me clarity and mental ease!
Hello! Once again, a blip in the server has allowed me time to post. But, I have work, and other such nonsense to do, so, instead of a recap on all that's happened in the past two years, this is just a Hello!
Somewhere in the deep depths of my company, an error has occured. Websense is down. The internet is, for the moment, my play-toy, my distraction, and something to get me fired by.
But, since it is down, I decided to spend a paid minute to update.
See, someone in corporate realized I was spending way to much time doing things besides work - or that I could post live to the internet and divulge the trade secrets of my work online (I will do no such thing.)- and blocked this website from my use. I completly understand why. However, I'm here now, and updating now.
There are only 10 DAYS LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ten days until I become Mrs. Michael Leonard Smith, Junior!
Ten days to keep my emotions and excitement from destroying my body!
Ten days to make sure every main detail is taken care of.
Ten days to keep from losing my mind and my cool.
Ten days of pure high without drugs.
I do have a prayer request for my few readers... I have built up some resentment and bitterness towards one friend. I definitely need to let that go. I don't know how to clean up the matter without causing a potentially worse matter, but yet my problem is eating at me. So... yeah. Please pray.
I have WAY to much enthusiasm at this moment. Oh my goodness. I am so sore!! We played HARD volleyball last night! Not hard b/c it was difficult (although it was) but hard b/c we worked reeeeeaaaallllly hard! And it was so exciting! Now the other half of our team will work harder - which means we'll have to work harder, but I think it's SOOOOOO good for us! We have to work super hard to get to playing good volleyball - and last night we worked very hard - for almost 3 hours - back to back games. Which is another good thing b/c in the tournament, we play a lot and we play sometimes 3 to 6 games in a row, depending on where in the tournament we are. I am so excited, I can barely contain myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it when life is not hard. I know that's not always the best for me - but I love it anyway!!
Valentine's Day was Very nice. I arrived at work to discover 2 dozen red roses in a vase on my desk, surrounded by a heart made of Hershey's Kisses. Later, I received 2 pairs of socks w/ Valentine's themes, a soft fleecy blanket with a print that says "I love you" (I think that's the best Valentine's gift I've gotten!! Beating out even the flowers!) two cards, and a soft stuffed puppy with bendy ears. Mike is so wonderful! I love him.
Today should be a good day - in fact it's one of my favorite days of the week. First off, I'm at my day job - it can be a long day, and I usually feel like I'm not doing enough, but it's a good job that I enjoy. Then, I go to my night job - which I enjoy even more b/c, when the work is done, I can sit and do whatever I want as long as I answer the phones and monitor the door. I love it. It runs late, though, so unless Mike comes to see me, I usually don't get to see him on Wednesdays. Then comes the best part of all of today:
I love volleyball. I love playing well. I love learning more and doing better. I love it, I love it, I love it.
I have discovered my hands are stiff sometimes. I think I'm linking it to the days after practice - so I'm going to try and remember to stretch them often before, during, and after, and see if that helps. Orf. I should have grabbed the braces that I have for Missy. Dang it. If I have time, I'll stop at home and pick it up before going to job #2.
I am tired today. But, I' looking forward to the days activities. I'm slightly regretting some of the things I said and did yesterday. Oh well. Gotta shake it off. :-D
Heater Hum by The Big Metal Box accompanied by The Fan.
Every now and again, I go through this spot in time where I begin to think really intently on things - spending way too much time on whatever I'm thinking about instead of on the important things in life. I get a little philisophical, sometimes overly self confident. I ramble on using bigger words than normal, analyzing situations and people in a tone that makes even me believe myself. And, perhaps in all honesty, those conversations that I have during these periods do make more sense. This particular aspect of this awareness seems to come more often and in smaller chunks than do the rest of the following. I become very self aware, on a few levels. Mistakes that I make are even bigger to me and the fear that I've hurt someone or said too much or the wrong thing is even larger than normal. I sense the aches and pains in my body on a higher level and wonder things like, "Is this headache because I have a brain tumor?" I fear cancer, so it's only natural that every pain is associated with that. The fear of possible illnesses plagues me. Both cancer and Alzheimer's run in my family. I have always feared death. But the possibiliy of forgetting who I am, forgetting the people I love, forgetting the memories I've made makes me cry even now, sitting here in my office. I think much more about potential mistakes, and overanalyze them in a negative light. These situations have come in different forms: things such as school, job positions, career choices, and men are among the things I over-think during these times. Life just seems more real to me. Every moment is larger, objects are more tangible, my eyes feel more open. But yet, everything seems more hazy and confusing. Despite the fact that everything seems more real, I have less of a hold on reality. I think much more on the samller fragments of life, losing sight of even where they fit into the bigger picture. Worries and fears, once small, loom large over me and I come to be quite dominated by them.
I attribute this mostly to having a consistent time frame of less sleep. Times at Camp have promoted this pattern, as did college. It magnifies almost everything.
It makes me scared, and I miss my happy-go-lucky-ness.
Alright, moment gone.
On a lighter note, I DO NOT need to be sent to a mental institution. :-D
Ok, one of the things that can help me shake this is to think of happer things. So, I need to stop typing here, and go back to work!!
a country station and heater fan from nearby cubicals